Ten Halloween Safety Tips for Fellow Vape Users
Wednesday, October 14, 2020
- Make sure that if you are going to be enjoying your vaporizer at home on Halloween, the candy bowl for Trick-or-Treaters is outside.
- Before you put the candy bowl for Trick-or-Treaters outside, be sure to take out as much candy as you anticipate needing for personal consumption throughout the night.
- Whatever amount you decided in tip #2, double it.
- Use the buddy system! Halloween can be a very dangerous night for the vape-enhanced mind; no one wants to find you cowering in the bushes because the monster who used to grab at your ankles from underneath your bed when you were a kid just rang your doorbell looking for Whoppers.
- Gentlemen- If you are planning to go out for Halloween, keep this in mind: Women typically spend between 1-3 hours "enhancing" their natural appearance for a night on the town. For Halloween, these same women have spent 3 or more weeks preparing their much more technically advanced and effective techniques of deception- this is no time for blurred vision or otherwise impaired decision making. Use plenty of visine, and be on high alert for potential coyote ugly situations. Buddy system may also come in handy here.
- Ladies- You, too, are vulnerable to the Code Red Coyote Ugly Advisory attributed to Halloween, and should be sure to compensate for any impairment of your decision making on this night in particular . If he is wearing a mask or makeup, get a Facebook friend request before proceeding with anything more than free drink-accepting. If your iPhone is already swimming in the toilet by this point, check the driver's license picture. If he doesn't have one...well, do you really need to be going home with a grown-ass man with no driver's license?
- We all know sometimes vaping can lead to freaking brilliant ideas. We also all know that the police hate brilliant ideas. So, if anything you are planning (which may or may not involve the use of toilet paper or public nudity) may result in possible interactions with Police of the non-hot and half-naked Halloween variety, please make sure that your person and/or home is free of materials which may result in trading your Chong costume for an orange jumpsuit. I guarantee you that no matter how itchy that wig is, the orange jumpsuit is significantly less comfortable. Also, there is no candy or Sexy Statues of Liberty in jail.
- Along the same lines as tip #7, parents also hate freaking brilliant ideas. So, if any amazing, hilarious prank or other genius plan you come up with while vaping on Halloween might result in small children crying, don't do it. At least not in your own neighborhood, and have a getaway vehicle waiting.
- If you're going to be anything with wings, or anything that it would seem otherwise reasonable could fly (Superman, Aladdin and you live somewhere with a rug, etc), go ahead and write on your mirror/white board/hand now: YOU CAN'T FLY! REALLY, BRO, YOU CAN'T! AND IF YOU COULD, YOU WOULDN'T NEED TO CLIMB ANYTHING TALL TO DO IT!!
- Finally, make sure you clean your Pax before getting dressed for the evening. What are you going to do if the battery light comes on after you've already put on your giant furry Winnie the Pooh hands?